Trina snuggled against Joy’s shoulder, feeling at peace for the first time in ages. Trina glanced up at Joy from under her lashes. She ran her index finger lightly over the inside of Joy’s wrist and was pleased with the slight tremble her action had invoked. When their hands linked and their eyes connected, a smile swept over both their faces. It felt like a warm glow spread all over them, like a soft blanket, enveloping them both. Looking at Trina, Jocelyn realised that she wanted her, and for the first time since their teenage days, she felt whole again. For Jocelyn, this feeling was so wonderful that it didn’t matter what would or could happen tomorrow, she needed to cherish today. A fresh tingle was ignited in her stomach, and even as she brushed the tears that had escaped from her eyes, she could not help saying, “I think I love you.” The sudden rush of those words left her feeling drained and more emotionally exposed than she had ever felt. Jocelyn dared not look at the beautiful woman in front of her so she dropped her lashes to conceal the vulnerability she felt. She waited with baited breath and then stole a quick glance, as she waited for the response. With a smile on her face that seemed to be reliving every moment of their past together, Trina said, “I know.” After a moment, Trina took one of Jocelyn’s hands in hers, with the other raised Jocelyn’s chin, and stared intently into her eyes, “I know you think you love me. At this moment in time, you want me and I think you need me. If fact I know you have love for me, but let us put this all into prospectus. For the past few weeks, you have been on an emotional rollercoaster. First your beloved Nan died, with you having to come back home to face your family for the first time, since the night you left. ” Trina paused. Jocelyn had experienced more emotion in one week since coming home than she had in all the years in Sunderland. It was as if she had been emotionally stunted for those years. Every emotion she had ever felt tumbled out with an intensity that scared her. “I’m fine with all that now.” Jocelyn stated. Are you?” Asked Trina, “I remember your little ways when things are troubling you. Like how you nibble on the skin by your nail on your index finger when you’re trying to forget about something.” She paused again for a second. “Just like you are doing now.” “For goodness sake Trina, I cannot forget that night all those years ago. The betrayal I felt from everyone. But I am a different person now. I have closure on that night.” “Do you?” Trina asked intently, “You are beginning to have closure when it comes to your parents, and what your father tried to do to you.” “You mean tried to rape me.” Jocelyn stated. “You can say it you know.” “Yes. Okay.” Trina agreed, “When your father tried to rape you. But you now know what was behind why it happened.” She paused, and then continued, “And I still think you should go to the police.” Jocelyn shook her head, “As I said before, it will be his word against mine. And so many years have gone by. Anyway who would believe that my father, or the person I believed to be my father, would try something like that, to try to rape me. My mother certainly didn’t.” she sighed, “and she still doesn’t.” “She might deep down in her sub-conscious. But if the person you loved was accused of something, wouldn’t you try to defend them.” “I honestly don’t know. It would depend on the seriousness of it.” “Exactly. He is her husband. Wouldn’t you believe him first and then start to question.” “I might.” Jocelyn conceded. “But it would still be his word against mine.” “You now know that the brain tumour changed his personality.” Trina replied. “That would give you credence. Surely?” “Yeah. Right.” Jocelyn said, and shook her head. “And second the bombshell your Mother dropped on you.” Jocelyn was still shaking her head. “I still can’t believe my Mother had a fling with a bloke called Richard Hendon so soon after they were married. I now know that’s why my father treated me differently than Duncan. That’s why he abused me physically and mentally because I wasn’t his child and he hated that fact.” Trina squeezed Joy’s hands, “You’re dealing with that now though, aren’t you?” Jocelyn breathed deeply, “Does anyone truly deal with it? I’m sure it will continue to affect me over the years. And because the issue with Dad, I haven’t been able to ask my Mum, why she had the fling. Was he hurting her as well as me?” “You will have to ask her.” “I will, when I’m able.” Jocelyn grabbed hold of Trina’s other hand, looked intently into her eyes, and said, “I will say it again. I think I love you.” “That’s just it. You think you love me, you want me and need me, but you don’t love me as you loved Sam. I can see it eyes and I can feel it in your soul. You and Sam were like ying and yang. Two parts of a whole.” Jocelyn again shook her head. “I must be able to put my past on the back burner and to not let it affect my present or my future.” “Is that what you have done with Sam?” Trina asked. “Put her on the back burner, waiting for an opportune moment?” Jocelyn interrupted, and said quietly, “Sam is in the past. She is in a different life.” “But your past life is catching up with you at the moment and you need to work through it.” “No Trina. Sam is definitely in the past, she is a completely different kettle of fish. She betrayed me when I needed her most. And I am working through it. Otherwise why am I here?” Jocelyn responded, fiercely. Trina placed her hands on Jocelyn’s shoulders and said, “Sam was beside herself after you left. All she kept saying was that it wasn’t her fault. That you had got it all wrong.” Jocelyn pushed Trina’s hands from her shoulders and placed her own hands on her hips. “I know what I saw. I saw my lover and my friend from work in a passionate embrace. Leslie’s hands were in places her hands should not have been.” Trina tried to reach out to Jocelyn, who was having none of it, and dismissed her with a show of her hand. Trina wouldn’t give up and tried again, “Sometimes you see a moment in time that has no relevance to the preceding or following minutes. Sam told me that when Leslie heard your key turn in the door, she had suddenly pounced on her. That when you walked in Sam was desperately trying to push Leslie away.” Jocelyn shook her head again and a hint of annoyance crept into her tone. “You weren’t there. I know what I saw and the smirk Leslie gave me when I walked in.” “But you haven’t seen or spoken to Sam since. You didn’t let her explain.” Trina almost sounded desperate. Harshly, Jocelyn retorted, “Trina, stop talking about Sam, will you. There is no me and Sam. Why are you pushing it? I want to talk about us. Not my father, and definitely not Sam. There hasn’t been a me and Sam since I moved away. It took me ages to get over her. I don’t want you to mention her again.” Jocelyn sat down in the armchair, sighed, and started to tap her foot in irritation. Trina moved over and sat on the arm of the chair saying, “I didn’t mean to upset you and annoy you and I think the world of you. And to a certain extent I love you too.” “Then what is the problem? Do we have a future?” asked Jocelyn. Trina thought for a while. Impatiently Jocelyn asked, “Well.” “As I have just said to a certain extent I love you but I also know that what I am feeling for you now is nothing like what I felt for Mike. Mike was my dream man. He is the father of my two children.” “Do you still love him?” “No. And neither do I respect him anymore.” “I should hope you don’t respect him. For him to have respect, he needed to behave so much better than he did. He refused to marry you, and then kicked you out of the house with his two children in tow.” “He didn’t believe they were his. “Then he moved his new lover in.” Jocelyn took a deep breath in. “If he asked you tomorrow, would you go back to him?” Jocelyn asked abruptly. “No, I wouldn’t.” “Exactly. Tell me; what is the difference between Sam and Mike. Both of them took a new lover. The only real difference is that I walked away whilst you were thrown out.” “I wouldn’t put it quite that brutally, but Mike and I have talked it through. We have an understanding. You and Sam haven’t.” “An understanding. Hah. You only have an understanding because of your two gorgeous children. If it weren’t for them, you wouldn’t have any contact with him. Would you?” “Okay. I concede.” Trina nodded, “I wouldn’t have any contact with him if it wasn’t for Peter and Cathy.” Jocelyn allowed a smile to creep over her face. “Please let’s stop arguing and enjoy the next couple of hours.” Trina slid down off the arm of the chair and sat on Jocelyn’s lap. Putting her arms around her she said, “I’m sorry for upsetting you.” “No problem.” Jocelyn replied, leaning into Trina and kissed her on the nose. “Have you decided whether you are driving up to Sunderland tomorrow or Thursday?” asked Trina. She laughed, “Now you’ve spoilt it. Anyone would think you want to get rid of me.”
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