Thirty-nine and single. Again! Althea puffed out her cheeks. ‘No coffee?’ Catherine asked. ‘Not today. I’m going to Marie and Bren for one.’ ‘Oh yeah, they bought themselves one of those new fancy pants machines.’ Catherine laughed. ‘I’ll have to tell them off for nicking our customers.’ ‘I’d like to see you try,’ Althea smiled. Catherine put the box containing the cakes on the counter. ‘Send them our love,’ Catherine said, giving up on the silent questioning. ‘Will do,’ Althea replied and picked up the box of goodies. ‘Catch up soon.’ As Althea left the coffeehouse, she steadied herself and thought. Different years, same shit. She walked toward the crossing, leant against the cooling metal of the traffic lights pole and closed her eyes. I’m tired of putting on a front and the effort it takes to appear happy and content. Althea sensed her depression returning. As it tried to emerge from the depth to where she dispatched it the last time, kicking and screaming. Please, don’t let it happen again. She pressed the button. The triggers that might send her over the edge were mocking her, and her finger hovered above the safety catch. She needed a sense of normality to find her happy place. A happy place, which would allow her to push away the darkness. A darkness could shroud her in its entirety, if she wasn’t careful. She also knew she would try to hide her innermost destructive thoughts and not divulge her worries unless they were coerced from her word by miserable word. The beeping started and pulled her from her thoughts. Althea crossed the road and walked towards Bren and Marie’s house. Althea took care of balancing the box containing pastries and cakes onto the window ledge. She pulled on the thick red curls that framed her freckled face into the scrunchy wrapped around her wrist. Althea rang the doorbell, picked up the box of goodies, and waited. She blew out her cheeks and let her face fall into her natural countenance. Centring herself gave her a sense of peace. Marie, pregnant, opened the door. ‘Althea! I’m pleased you’ve come round,’ Marie exclaimed in delight. The woman pulled Althea into a sideways hug and kissed her cheek. ‘Come in. Come in.’ ‘Hi Marie.’ Althea handed over the box and smiled. ‘Okay?’ Althea followed Marie down the hallway towards the back of the house. She knew questions would follow about her love life, or lack of it, and she wasn’t looking forward to the scrutiny. Althea wanted to be teased and pulled up on her bullshit. She wanted a safe place to crash when everything else about her life was falling apart. Anything but her recent breakup. ‘Everything is good,’ Althea replied. Her voice quivered as she tried to hide the melancholy that threatened to overwhelm her. Marie stopped as a look of concern flashed across her eyes. ‘Bloody hell, Marie. I almost barrelled into you.’ Marie reached out and touched Althea’s arm. ‘How are you? And be honest with me as your voice gave you away.’ ‘I’m fine. Honest.’ Her sultry voice conflicted with the sadness Marie’s question evoked. Marie arched her eyebrows. ‘Stop bottling it in. We can all see you’re not okay,’ Marie ordered. ‘It’s detrimental to your health.’ ‘Fine. I miss them, Marie.’ Althea smiled, admitting defeat, but the smile didn’t spread to her eyes. Instead, it looked more like a grimace. ‘There. I’ve said it. Satisfied?’ Althea felt tears close to the surface, so she scrunched up her eyes and refused to look at Marie. ‘We know you miss them. And do you think I would take satisfaction in seeing our friend hurting?’ Marie said, a tenderness for her friend was clear. She continued walking. ‘Have they been in contact?’ Althea didn’t answer for a moment as she clenched her fists. ‘Yazz texted me four days ago, but all my calls have gone straight to voicemail. I want to be there for them. To support them.’ ‘Why don’t you go to them next weekend?’ Althea tried to control her emotions. She knew Marie was a good and supportive friend, but she could feel herself closing down under her scrutiny. Marie placed her hand on Althea’s arm. This gentle touch roused her from her growing funk, and she directed a flash of anger towards Yazz. ‘They don’t want me there. They made pretty clear the last time we spoke and in the text messages they sent me.’ ‘So what are you going to do?’ Marie asked as she readied the coffee machine. ‘Try to forget about them, I suppose. Look at me. How come I’m single again?’ Althea flounced and sat down around the island with a sigh. She paused and pushed the insecurities away, as she could feel love for her flowing from Marie. ‘And pining after someone who didn’t care for me as much as they said, or I thought they did.’ ‘So, they’re not coming back?’ Althea pursed her lips. ‘No, they said they wouldn’t. Their duty.’ As Althea said the last word, she showed inverted commas. ‘Was to look after their mother for as long as it took. Even though their mother was a...’ Althea tapped a finger on her lips before saying, ‘and I quote. “A mean and spiteful bitch who would do anything to make my life hell.”’ ‘I’m so sorry.’ ‘Not as much as me. But hey, ho. That’s the way of the world. I’ll have to get on with my life like I planned to do before I met Yazz.’ Althea scrunched up her face and pouted. ‘They could have asked me to join them, but no,’ Althea continued. ‘They decided without discussion that it would be best for me to stay.’ ‘But would you have gone?’ Marie questioned. ‘Your life, business, friends, and home are all here. You have spent most of your adult life building your shop into what it is today.’ ‘I know, but don’t you think we should have at least discussed it?’ Marie thought for a moment. ‘It would have been hard for you to up sticks and start afresh somewhere else,’ Marie replied. ‘You wouldn’t have the contacts you have now. You would work long hours every day to make a go of it. Yazz told me they couldn’t expect you to do that, and in their heart, they knew you wouldn’t move.’ ‘They spoke to you?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘They could have spoken to me.’ Althea closed her eyes for a moment. ‘They are correct, though. I wouldn’t move away. Here is where I belong. But I could have spent weekends there, or they could have come here.’ She closed her eyes and paused. ‘At least this time, my heart hasn’t broken into tiny pieces.’ ‘What do you mean by that?’ Marie frowned at Althea. ‘Nothing. Forget I said anything. I’m alright. I just had a case of déjà vu and dug up some memories that were once buried in the depths of time. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Just feeling lonely and fragile.’ The sentence continued in her head. And abandoned again. Please, will you help me stay grounded? ‘Okay.’ Marie’s frown deepened. ‘If you are sure.’ ‘I think I will meet up with the Thursday walking group from the coffeehouse I planned to do last year.’ Althea smiled as she changed the subject. ‘Good idea.’ Marie smiled back and encouraged, ‘Bren says they’re always advertising their up-and-coming walks.’ Althea could feel Marie’s eyes scrutinising her, expecting a response. ‘I miss them,’ Althea confessed. ‘And yet I thought I would feel a little more with Yazz gone for the past month. You know, sadder, a bit more lonely, a lot more of everything. My heart is still beating, but not broken.’ ‘That’s good, isn’t it?’ ‘Is there something wrong with me?’ Althea asked. ‘Perhaps they weren’t one.’ So why do I feel as though I’m teetering on the brink? ‘Perhaps not. That ship left many years ago.’Althea sighed. Marie frowned. Althea didn’t speak as she mulled over her thoughts. ‘I miss the companionship. I miss the routine we had got into. But since we’ve hardly spoken, texted, or conversed by email. It is as though we were ships that passed in the night. The proximity allowed us to be friends and lovers, but when the distance grew, so our attraction disappeared into hyperspace. I find it difficult even to class us as friends anymore. And that makes me so sad.’ Althea breathed heavily through her nose as she pursed her lips. ‘Were we even meant to be together?’ Marie placed the coffee before Althea and pulled herself onto the bar stool with less elegance than she hoped. She rested her hand on Althea’s arm and squeezed. ‘It is better to find out now than a year or two down the line.’ ‘That’s what I thought when I woke in the middle of the night.’ Althea smiled at Marie. ‘I want to be happy?’ ‘One of the simplest ways to be happy is to let go of the things that make you sad.’ Marie took a sip of her drink. ‘What is the biggest thing that makes you sad right now?’ Am I sad, or does it go a lot deeper? She exhaled slowly through her nose. Althea’s eyes widened, and every emotion she held blurred her vision as tears built in the corner of her eyes. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.’ Marie looked at her friend with concern. ‘You didn’t. I don’t know what is wrong with me?’ Yes, you do. ‘I’ve been trying to hold my tears in for days. And the answer to your question is this.’ Althea blinked a few times. ‘Loneliness is making me sad. With Yazz leaving, I’m alone, with only my memories. Everything seems so different. One minute I was part of a couple, and then overnight, I was alone. It all seemed so unreal, and I felt dead inside. Now I don’t know what to feel, how to act.’ ‘Aw, sweetie. I don’t know what to say.’ Marie reached out and took hold of Althea’s hand. ‘I would love to have what you and Bren have,’ Althea sighed wistfully. ‘You remember our rocky start?’ Marie laughed as Althea blushed. Althea opened her mouth to speak, but Marie held up her hand to silence any protests. ‘I know what you will say.’ Marie said. ‘And again, I apologise for anything I might have said when I was angry with you.’ ‘All water under the bridge now. Look at us. Newly married. Bren reconciled with her mum. Me, pregnant using Bren’s eggs. And Bren’s childhood home, remodelled by her stepdad and sister, is now our forever home. What more can we ask for?’ Althea smiled at Marie. But Marie noticed the extra sadness that had crept into Althea’s eyes. ‘There’s someone out there for you. I bet you will meet the woman of your dreams when you least expect it.’ I’ve already let her go. ‘They might even be someone you already know. Didn’t you have the hots for someone who went on these walks?’ Marie said as she picked up the subtle change in Althea. ‘Yes,’ Althea smiled. ‘About the same time, you and Bren got together. But I was too chicken to go on any of the walks, and then a couple of weeks later, Yazz waltzed into my life.’ ‘All the more reason to join in the next walk. That woman might be free and single still.’ ‘I missed the boat on that one. I hear she’s seeing someone, and they are inseparable.’ Althea shook her head. ‘Anyway, enough about me. How are you doing? You look positively blooming.’ ‘Believe it or not, I love every bit of this pregnancy. It has even brought us both closer together, if that was possible. I can’t wait to cradle a little Bren in our arms.’ ‘Aww, bless….’ Althea stopped, then grinned. ‘So the baby is going to be a girl?’ A shocked expression clouded Marie’s face as she covered her mouth with her hand. ‘Oops. I didn’t mean to say that.’ Despite the slip-up, Marie’s excitement shone through. ‘I won’t tell if you don’t,’ Althea laughed. ‘I thought I heard voices. And what won’t you both tell?’ Bren walked in from the study and hugged Marie tightly, and kissed her. Marie looked sheepish as Bren bent and kissed the baby bump. ‘That I inadvertently revealed the sex of our baby. I’m so sorry.’ ‘You know my mum and Del will be so miffed with you.’ Bren shrugged and pressed her lips together. Annoyance made her voice hitch. ‘We promised to tell them first.’ ‘I’m sorry. It just slipped out. I’ve been so excited since we learned the sex of our bundle of joy earlier.’ Marie kissed Bren’s cheek. ‘Invite them over tomorrow, and then we can start telling our friends.’ ‘Will do. The women at The Perfect Blend have been dying to know. Every time I go in there, I must fend off their questions. They are all acting like they are a pack of mother hens.’ ‘I can imagine.’ Althea grinned. ‘They even started grilling me about whether I know. I can’t believe you waited this long to find out. I would want to know whether they were a boy or a girl from the get-go.’ Turning entirely to Bren, Althea asked, ‘Now, am I going to get a hug, or what?’ Bren walked over to Althea and held her tightly, then kissed her on the cheek. She moved Althea to arm’s length and scrutinised the woman before her. Althea was tall and thin - her legs, enclosed by tight-fitting jeans, seemed to go on forever. Bren noticed the weight loss and the dark circles around her friend’s eyes. The usually striking hazel eyes stared back dully at Bren’s scrutiny. ‘I’m fine.’ Althea answered Bren’s unasked question. Bren scrunched up her face. ‘I am, honestly,’ Althea reiterated. ‘We should never have let our relationship get as far as we did. This way, it will be less painful than letting it drag on. Each of us getting more frustrated.’ Althea gave a weak smile. ‘Look. I bought cakes. Danish bun for you, Bren. Cinnamon roll for you, Marie. And a cream and jam doughnut for me.’ Bren laughed out loud. ‘You know us so well.’ After a few minutes of more scrutiny, Bren nodded as though satisfied with what she saw and continued, ‘Remember, we will always be here if you need to talk, cry, swear, or shout.’ ‘I know, and thanks.’ Bren readied a coffee, sat beside Marie at the island and scrutinised her. ‘You okay, love?’ Bren noticed the tiredness in Marie’s eyes. ‘A bit tired, that’s all. Now slide that cinnamon roll over to me.’ Marie took a bite and hummed her appreciation. ‘Althea told me she thinks she will go on some organised walks in the future.’ ‘Good idea.’ Bren commented, ‘You should have done it last year.’ ‘Behave yourself.’ Marie quickly butted in. ‘Perhaps I should have,’ Althea huffed. ‘But Yazz didn’t enjoy going for walks, and I wouldn’t spoil a budding relationship by abandoning them on one of our precious days off. I was trying hard to please them.’ ‘But what about them trying to please you?’ Bren interjected quickly. ‘That happened as well,’ Althea blushed, then thought at the start. ‘Tell me more.’ Bren leant forward, but Marie hit Bren’s arm to derail her from asking for more details. ‘As I just said, behave yourself. Otherwise, I will deny you all your wifely benefits.’ ‘You wouldn’t dare.’ ‘Try me.’ ‘And on that note,’ Althea laughed. ‘My lunch break is over, and I must return to work. Thank you.’ ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ ‘Yes. Believe it or not, being with you both and chatting has done me a world of good.’ She downed the rest of her coffee and wriggled off the stool. Marie stood up and hugged Althea. ‘I’m glad you popped in. And thank you for the pastries. Arrange an evening with Bren for next week and come around for a meal. I will make your favourite.’ ‘Carbonara. Yummy. I’ll check my diary.’ ‘Besides Bren’s Tuesday evening workshop, we’re free every night,’ Marie added. ‘Unless Bren has organised something without putting it in the diary.’ ‘As if,’ Bren laughed as she hugged her friend. ‘I’ll walk you to the door. I’ll pop into your place tomorrow on the way to the grocery shop, and we’ll fix a day.’ ‘Take care.’ Althea turned back to Marie, pointing at Bren. ‘Make sure this one looks after you.’ ‘I’m pregnant, not infirm, you know. And anyway, she always looks after me.’ Marie winked at Bren. ‘Too much information,’ Althea laughed as she walked towards the front door and waved over her shoulder. ◆◆◆